Colin ebbage

 I always tell you that I wish there was a way to show you, to even tell you in words how much it is that I really, really, love you. And although I’m not sure there will ever be anything nearly possible to show you, I’ve decided to write it out the best I know how to.

When we first met, I wrote an article about you, referring to you as “the guy I hope never breaks my heart.” And also as “this boy I’m really starting to like.” Crazy to think that this “guy”, has turned into my whole world and into the man that I want to and fully intend to spend the rest of my life with.

You see, I’ve felt love for others in my life, but it was always the messy unreciprocated kind. But for you, not only is the love completely reciprocated? But, I don’t just feel love for you, I know, that I’m completely, madly, entirely in love with you.

And because of that I need you to know,

That I will always give my best effort into being and maintaining being the girl of your dreams, because you deserve nothing less than everything you’ve ever wanted. I promise Andre, to never leave you no matter what happens when the going gets tough, I promise to always fight for you, but never with or against you, to always love you and take care of you like you do me, to treat you with the utmost kindness, gentleness and warmth

Because you are the love of my life, my present and my future; my reason for being able to be grateful for my past, you are the foundation I’ve started to and will continue to build my life around.

The way that you make me feel is nothing short of spectacular. You make me the happiest woman alive. You let me feel safe, and showed me that my heart had a home with you. I never have to worry that you’d do anything to intentionally or even unintentionally hurt me, and if you do it’s something completely silly and absurd like only giving me one kiss when you know I get at least 3 a day, remember our rule?  Only 3 ,🤣inside joke about SL block list But seriously, I am so grateful to have found someone who goes above and beyond to keep me happy and my heart safe, I was guarded until I met you, but now you’re my guard, my forcefield, my superhero. And because of you I am not afraid of anything. Because of you I know that I’ll never be alone. 

If someone told me that I would have found a love this strong, quite frankly I can’t say that I would have believed them. I guess it’s just one of those “you need to feel it for yourself type of that love.

Because you, you are my life. 

With out you I’m lost

Where do I go from here

Do you know.......

And if by some miracle, if in fact you can answer that question.

Tell me!!

How do I get there without you?

And if perhaps you’re also able to answer the above question, I have some more.

.....

.....

......

Why do I have to go without you......

Why’d you have to leave so soon..... always when we together..

I’ve always needed you, but I need you now

Right now more than ever before....!!!

I’m really not sure what to write, it’s honestly been so long since I’ve sat down and wrote anything, I’ve had a serious case of “writers block” or maybe it’s just lazineses yet I write all the time to my love and loved ones.

But I know that I miss writing about something, I’m just not sure what

The overwhelming feeling of feelin 

Feelings suck. Point blank, period. Good feelings, bad feelings, exciting feelings, scary feelings, they all just suck. This is because it’s like you suddenly have no control over your own body anymore, no control over yourself and I have all those feelings with him.. and it sends my body all over the place he touches me without bean touched it's just crazy. 

In the past  I’ve talked to guys, I’ve dated guys, but I haven’t really caught “feelings” for guys. Because I remember what “feelings” felt like, in turn, remembering how much they sucked. I've got hurt ... Guy after guy... as I've said I've had my guard up. Until he became my guard and protects me. 

The ticket out.. to be with you

We all want a ticket out of the environment we’re in, wether it’s permanent or a temporary vacation. I wish we could be together much more then just once a year it hurts every time to apart ways without knowing if we see again... Life is short.

Sad for us though, we can't be like Kardashian... Trump..ect to get there ways 

But some of us have to bust our ass and work harder than anyone else, we have to

Enough rambling... Here we go

Finally an open letter to my first true Love.

Where to even begin? I am writing to you today to remind you of how much I love you.

 Yes, I know it is not your birthday, or Valentine’s Day, or any other special occasion. It’s just an ordinary day;  a saturday September. 4th to be exact.

 I’m writing to you today because I just came to the realization that life has been extremely chaotic lately and I we have had a few pumps on our journey due to other people.. sadly we have had let others come between us..

but 

 I would first like to start off by telling you that never in my life had I thought that I would ever find someone who loves me the way you do. Not that I believed that I was incapable of being loved, but I simply could not fathom finding someone who could ever appreciate and cherish me the way I dreamed about. That is, until you walked into my life. Even when life gets in the way, I still love you more than words can describe. You are constantly on my mind asI go about my everyday daily basis, either directly or subconsciously in the back of my head. You are with me in every single thing I do, and everywhere I go.

 You are my one and only; my past, present, and future; my soulmate.

 What exactly is a soulmate? Does every single person in the world have one? Do each of us individuals only get one shot at being matched up with one other person in the entire world? I may not have all of the answers, but I know one thing to be true. You are my soulmate. You make my soul happy. You are my love, companion, and above all, my best friend. I truly believe that there is not one other person in the world who gets my humor, my mannerisms, and my heart like you do. If you are not my intended soulmate from the Maker, then I don’t ever want to meet the one who was instead intended for me. U cry when I cry U smile when I smile and so do I with you.

 I want you to know how much I appreciate you. I may not tell you enough, or show it. You do so many little things for me that go unnoticed. I want to apologize for the moments when I was blind to see what you do for me; I want to apologize if I have ever overlooked you. I want you to know that even when I am incapable of seeing how lucky and blessed I am to have you, I still am forever thankful.

 I want you to know that our friendship means everything to me, and that I simply could not survive in this crazy world without you. You give me the truth when I need to hear it, courage when I need confidence, and love when I am flawed. There is no one else I would rather lay up at night and talk with about crazy things that only the two of us could even think of. There is no one else who I would rather travel with, see the world, and experience new adventures with. There is no one else who simply could ever get me the way you do.

 You have given me a safe haven to be myself and not be ashamed of all of the parts that make up my soul. You give me security that makes me feel safe and centered; a shoulder to cry on when needed and a hand to hold when I am lost in the dark. I know that whatever life throws my way, I will be able to handle it because you are at my side. There is nothing that we could never face together. Without you, I am weak. With you, I am strong and capable of anything I set my mind to.

 I want to thank you for giving me love when I am undeserving. For your forgiveness when I make mistakes and hurt you with my daggering words and actions; for your unwavering faithfulness to our relationship. For your kind and gentle touch when you comfort me; for your ability to apologize when you are in the wrong and take responsibility for your actions. You have taught me so much about tenderness and unconditional love, even when it is hard to give.

 I want to thank you for your continued support and faith in me as I journey through my endeavors. You have never once doubted me, told me I should give up, or told me that I could not do something. Your positivity and confidence in me continues to baffle me each day. I know that if I ever need a pick-me-up or someone to tell me, “Keep trying,” or “Don’t give up,” I know I can turn to you. You are my support system and my fan club; my motivation to push myself and always reach for bigger and higher goals. You have taught me to believe in myself and to appreciate my own worth, a task that is not always easy.

 If I were to suddenly leave this world sooner than later, I would be overjoyed that I experienced such a rare and honest form of love. To have been loved and cherished by someone wholeheartedly is a once- in-a-lifetime opportunity. Our relationship is my most treasured possession, and I will take this love with me everywhere I go.

 If you ever feel like I am taking you for granted, please open up this letter. Let it be a reminder of how I feel about our relationship and its worth to me. Please remember how much I love you. I loved you the minute our eyes first met. I love you deeply, and I always will.

Dearly 💋 Jenifer s. Aka Jenifer venom . Pamela fishnet.💯❤️